if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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