I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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