And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His hands were made for my vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Alive.
So much puke
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
