Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My legs feel like baby dolphins
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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