Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
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Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
sex in a hospital.. check
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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