What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
