whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
