what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
