I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
