I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
