dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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