rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Come on in and take your pants off
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