Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
