it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
