can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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