never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
