I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
