that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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