Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
