fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
