Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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