I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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