just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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