What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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