i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
