Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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