this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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