the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
