Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
