"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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