and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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