New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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