there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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