My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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