oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
