I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
