You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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