Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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