this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
