I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
