I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
