I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
