Heybabeimwearingurpanties
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
