so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize