Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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