There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
