But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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