Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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