wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
