Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
