Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
