I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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