i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
