why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
