drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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