I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
