new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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