sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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