Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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