I think im going to throw up on grandma
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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