Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
