I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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