I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
