just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize