I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
