i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
