at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
