We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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