the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
