I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
