1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
