The maid of honor just puked.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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