Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
