are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
