I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize