My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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