Nicole vs. Life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
