All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
