Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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