seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
