dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
