the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
