Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
